I give the Smiths credit.  They don’t need the money or the exposure. Yet, they are willing to lay it on the line. Couples suffer in silence everyday. They feel scared, alone, isolated, confused and betrayed.  We live in a society who tries to define marriage for us and make us all live up to a fantasy.  There is no fairy tale–perfect situation or marriage.  While there is plenty of marital success, the 80/20 rule pretty much applies to every facet of life including marriage.  I respect them for being naked and taking the risk for others to learn.  I get them and agree with a lot when it comes to marriage. Every marriage has been to the brink or seen dark days…but ultimately you make the commitment to make it work. If you wanna stay married that’s the deal PERIOD!

So, why was this newsworthy?  Someone, I never heard of, told the “secret”!  I was told that I don’t listen to the radio enough to know him (Alsina).  OK, I accept that as fact.  Others are discussing how unfair the “entanglement” was to him.  Maybe a part of that is even true.  But, I still can’t figure out why we (the general public) needed this information. Who really wanted to know?  In fairness to him, the interviewer did ask him to “clear up the rumor”.  But that is where this train comes off the track.

It seems to me that his intent was to discuss his album and his personal growth.  He had a great message about self discovery, love and hope for humanity!  He took a journey that a lot of people don’t until well after 30 years old.  I applaud him for seeking his authentic truth.   I am happy for his ability to assess and make the decision to transform, forgive and find purpose.  Ironically, it was also Pinket-Smith’s own journey that got her into this situation.

He tackled some pretty heavy issues that I believe all kids and parents pass through. I say “pass through” because I pray that it is a temporary state.  I too recall adults who made statements like “kids should be seen and not heard” or “of course, I love you.  I go to work everyday to provide for you”.  Sometimes kids really didn’t know what to conclude from those kinds of remarks. I also learned that some people (parents) didn’t get certain affirmations.  A lot of our parents were busy enough trying to affirm their own brokenness.  They were navigating some of the same racial complexities, salary disparities and educational deficits that way are still dealing with today.  Some of them received even less affirmation and therefore couldn’t give those things. They give what they know.  Our parents were bigger, but maybe more scared then we were at times.  Overtime and with maturity we let them off the hook. We adjust our expectations in order to move on in a healthy manner.  Love and reconciliation is the ultimate win. Alsina’s interview was full of good stories and messages.  

I agree with him that people often wait for permission to go after freedom.  Right now black America is saying loudly, “we are no longer asking.  We are not going to accept promises, behaviors and circumstances that dishonor us as a community.  We are no longer going to wait for your permission to become entrenched in finding or walking in our own purpose.”  But it took us a long time to arrive at this point.  One could argue that we are too forgiving, patient or passive.  You can choose.

I loved his acknowledgement when he said, “certain things make people make bad decisions in the moment”.  I completely agree.  We have all been there.  Hopefully, we learn before we repeat the mistake, resulting in regrets.   He goes on to say he has forgiven himself.  When asked about the rumors with Pinkett-Smith, his answer “I am not a troublemaker. I also don’t think it’s ever important for people to know what I do. Who I sleep with or who I date”.  That should have been the end of his answer.   The decision he made in that moment compromised the impact of his entire message.  That important message he gave prior got overshadowed by the headline he created in that moment.  By offering information that was not really helpful to honoring his journey, he undermined his message which offered content that was far more important. Or, did he?  Hold that thought.

After hearing both sides of the story.  I am not at all surprised about the relationship.  Broken people become codependent.  Ask anyone who has ever been in any kind of recovery program.  Participants are warned over and over again not to become romantically “entangled” with their sponsors/counselors.  It’s a common battle. It’s a known factor.

Then there are folks who felt the “entanglement” was unfair to him. Marriage is complicated!  My wife and I have a saying, “marriage is not for punks!” You go through a lot of valleys.  Waiting until someone is 100% free is the only hope, not guarantee, of getting with him or her.  I am a big NBA basketball fan, so this is an easy analogy.  Michael Jordan was the franchise player.  If you are a bench player–you only get to play when MJ is hurt or he needs a break.   But as long as MJ is available and partially healthy, you are riding the bench. It is that simple!  When you accept a role/side position–you only get to play when the star is not available (ie: entanglement).  So get your own team because Jada was still signed to Team Smith for better or worse.  That IS marriage!

Now, with all that being said, I still wonder about the motive. I am a bit old school and facts are facts.

• This was between two legal consenting (damaged) adults
• Honoring his journey had nothing to do with confirming the status of that relationship to the world. 
• He can’t tweet, “Mess is constantly inserting yourself in topics you have nun to do w/nun.”  Remember he started the entire fire storm by expanding on the answer 
• He doesn’t get empathy or sympathy for getting into another man’s bed when it doesn’t have the outcome he wanted.
• I wonder, would he have said anything at all–if she had chosen him?
•  As was pointed out, I never heard of him. I still haven’t heard any of his songs, but I now know his name!  He became world wide famous to everyone anywhere instantly.  
• Lastly, it was kinda a “punk” move to tell wasn’t it? 
• That confirmation didn’t extend love.  It extended pain (if to no one else–their kids).

Again, we don’t have to like or approve how they define marriage.  It is between them and it obviously works for them at least 80% of the time.  If I had a problem with it—I would simply NOT watch the show.  If you have a problem with it…change the channel (or stream something different).  But consider this… If some people spent this much time defining their own marriages, they might’ve stayed married, gotten married or realized it wasn’t for them from the start.  Either way marriage is NOT a community service project!  It’s between those 2 people.

By the way, doesn’t America have enough “real” problems with race, gender in equality, human trafficking, a pandemic and police brutality to address?  Why did we need this distraction?

Jada did confirm that he is not a homewrecker.  But I still gotta wonder about the motive.  Remember record deals are really just BIG ASS loans.  I wonder if it was time to make that payment?  If that was the case…well played young man.  That is one theory.   IJS.

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