For instance, let’s assume Cosby did what he is accused of… It is hard to hold men accountable for behavior that the male patriarchy has allowed to exist all these years.  Masters took slaves in the field and raped them. President Jefferson had multiple children with Sally Hemings.  It’s hard to prosecute people/men that came up in a time when that certain behavior was acceptable. This does not justify it, but Bill Cosby is 73.  He is, more than likely, not the same person he was 20 years ago. Who is?  BUT, if he is 73 and still doing this mess, lock his ass up!  Even if it is just for the drugs he admitted to having.  What about the lady who lied about Emmitt Till?  When are we going to lock her up?  She cost him his life, but it happened at a time when it was acceptable to take the word of a white woman over a colored anybody.   Again,  I’m not saying this excuses it, but all men in a certain age group did those kinds of things.

Point 2:  The assault happened to 50+ women.  We can be honest and admit that if two women know a secret, it is not a secret.  Not always, but 85% of the time.  Monica Lewinsky gave the president fellatio, told one person, and the news went international.  It’s hard to believe that all these women were affected, nobody’s lines crossed.  For those women truly affected, I understand the trauma they are going through.  As an abuse survivor myself, I have had many therapy sessions discussing the trauma.  I learned a few key things; It was not my fault, I must forgive my abuser so I can move forward (Not for them, but for myself), and I also need to take a level of responsibility.  At some point during the abuse, we thought “I shouldn’t be here” and asked “why am I in this situation?”.  Deal with reality and stop being victims.  Sounds harsh, but sometimes it is what we need to hear.  We have to take some level of responsibility too.  Most crimes are committed against you by people who are familiar.  That is why this whole idea of black on black crime is silly.   Everyone who commits crime does so in his/her own backyard.  Except the government!  That is another blog topic.  My point is that we can find tons of data to suggest that women are often victims because (we) choose to ignore all of the “red” flags.  We prefer to romanticize reality until it comes crashing down.  Again. I am NOT removing responsibility from the criminal or perpetrator.  I am saying we are responsible for our own self preservation and power above all else. “To thine ownself be true?”

Point 3:  It’s ironic.  Black people are quick to scream, “The system (judicial) doesn’t work for us.”  Bill Cosby was able to use the system the way it is supposed to be used, the way every American should be able to use it.  He had the means to afford the counsel that could find where the system messed up.  The prosecutors made a deal with Cosby.  They were so caught up in convicting him, they fabricated a deal and broke the law to lock him up.  If they would have sifted through the women, found out which accusations were legitimate, prosecuted on those charges, and aligned the punishment with the law at the time it happened, they may have gotten a clean conviction.  The prosecutors were so caught up in the noise that Cosby was released, they may get disbarred, and the state of PA is under investigation.  You would think something would have been learned from the OJ Simpson trial.

Society’s opinions about Cosby’s release are diverse.  The Bible calls it double-minded.  Some are glad Cosby is free.  Some want him locked up, barring it’s for the appropriate crime. They are mad the system broke the law & Cosby had to be let out.  Bill Cosby has been spoken highly of and had his name dragged through the mud.  A lot of people have spoken bad of him and spent money that he has donated to Spellman, Morehouse, and Howard.  Everyone has an opinion, but my grandmother’s words ring loud and clear for me.  In her words,  “Let God do his job. The rest of us need to mind our own business.”

Photo credit: pagesix.com

The post Bill Cosby Case: The Other Angles appeared first on Lisa & Rasheida.

I give the Smiths credit.  They don’t need the money or the exposure. Yet, they are willing to lay it on the line. Couples suffer in silence everyday. They feel scared, alone, isolated, confused and betrayed.  We live in a society who tries to define marriage for us and make us all live up to a fantasy.  There is no fairy tale–perfect situation or marriage.  While there is plenty of marital success, the 80/20 rule pretty much applies to every facet of life including marriage.  I respect them for being naked and taking the risk for others to learn.  I get them and agree with a lot when it comes to marriage. Every marriage has been to the brink or seen dark days…but ultimately you make the commitment to make it work. If you wanna stay married that’s the deal PERIOD!

So, why was this newsworthy?  Someone, I never heard of, told the “secret”!  I was told that I don’t listen to the radio enough to know him (Alsina).  OK, I accept that as fact.  Others are discussing how unfair the “entanglement” was to him.  Maybe a part of that is even true.  But, I still can’t figure out why we (the general public) needed this information. Who really wanted to know?  In fairness to him, the interviewer did ask him to “clear up the rumor”.  But that is where this train comes off the track.

It seems to me that his intent was to discuss his album and his personal growth.  He had a great message about self discovery, love and hope for humanity!  He took a journey that a lot of people don’t until well after 30 years old.  I applaud him for seeking his authentic truth.   I am happy for his ability to assess and make the decision to transform, forgive and find purpose.  Ironically, it was also Pinket-Smith’s own journey that got her into this situation.

He tackled some pretty heavy issues that I believe all kids and parents pass through. I say “pass through” because I pray that it is a temporary state.  I too recall adults who made statements like “kids should be seen and not heard” or “of course, I love you.  I go to work everyday to provide for you”.  Sometimes kids really didn’t know what to conclude from those kinds of remarks. I also learned that some people (parents) didn’t get certain affirmations.  A lot of our parents were busy enough trying to affirm their own brokenness.  They were navigating some of the same racial complexities, salary disparities and educational deficits that way are still dealing with today.  Some of them received even less affirmation and therefore couldn’t give those things. They give what they know.  Our parents were bigger, but maybe more scared then we were at times.  Overtime and with maturity we let them off the hook. We adjust our expectations in order to move on in a healthy manner.  Love and reconciliation is the ultimate win. Alsina’s interview was full of good stories and messages.  

I agree with him that people often wait for permission to go after freedom.  Right now black America is saying loudly, “we are no longer asking.  We are not going to accept promises, behaviors and circumstances that dishonor us as a community.  We are no longer going to wait for your permission to become entrenched in finding or walking in our own purpose.”  But it took us a long time to arrive at this point.  One could argue that we are too forgiving, patient or passive.  You can choose.

I loved his acknowledgement when he said, “certain things make people make bad decisions in the moment”.  I completely agree.  We have all been there.  Hopefully, we learn before we repeat the mistake, resulting in regrets.   He goes on to say he has forgiven himself.  When asked about the rumors with Pinkett-Smith, his answer “I am not a troublemaker. I also don’t think it’s ever important for people to know what I do. Who I sleep with or who I date”.  That should have been the end of his answer.   The decision he made in that moment compromised the impact of his entire message.  That important message he gave prior got overshadowed by the headline he created in that moment.  By offering information that was not really helpful to honoring his journey, he undermined his message which offered content that was far more important. Or, did he?  Hold that thought.

After hearing both sides of the story.  I am not at all surprised about the relationship.  Broken people become codependent.  Ask anyone who has ever been in any kind of recovery program.  Participants are warned over and over again not to become romantically “entangled” with their sponsors/counselors.  It’s a common battle. It’s a known factor.

Then there are folks who felt the “entanglement” was unfair to him. Marriage is complicated!  My wife and I have a saying, “marriage is not for punks!” You go through a lot of valleys.  Waiting until someone is 100% free is the only hope, not guarantee, of getting with him or her.  I am a big NBA basketball fan, so this is an easy analogy.  Michael Jordan was the franchise player.  If you are a bench player–you only get to play when MJ is hurt or he needs a break.   But as long as MJ is available and partially healthy, you are riding the bench. It is that simple!  When you accept a role/side position–you only get to play when the star is not available (ie: entanglement).  So get your own team because Jada was still signed to Team Smith for better or worse.  That IS marriage!

Now, with all that being said, I still wonder about the motive. I am a bit old school and facts are facts.

• This was between two legal consenting (damaged) adults
• Honoring his journey had nothing to do with confirming the status of that relationship to the world. 
• He can’t tweet, “Mess is constantly inserting yourself in topics you have nun to do w/nun.”  Remember he started the entire fire storm by expanding on the answer 
• He doesn’t get empathy or sympathy for getting into another man’s bed when it doesn’t have the outcome he wanted.
• I wonder, would he have said anything at all–if she had chosen him?
•  As was pointed out, I never heard of him. I still haven’t heard any of his songs, but I now know his name!  He became world wide famous to everyone anywhere instantly.  
• Lastly, it was kinda a “punk” move to tell wasn’t it? 
• That confirmation didn’t extend love.  It extended pain (if to no one else–their kids).

Again, we don’t have to like or approve how they define marriage.  It is between them and it obviously works for them at least 80% of the time.  If I had a problem with it—I would simply NOT watch the show.  If you have a problem with it…change the channel (or stream something different).  But consider this… If some people spent this much time defining their own marriages, they might’ve stayed married, gotten married or realized it wasn’t for them from the start.  Either way marriage is NOT a community service project!  It’s between those 2 people.

By the way, doesn’t America have enough “real” problems with race, gender in equality, human trafficking, a pandemic and police brutality to address?  Why did we need this distraction?

Jada did confirm that he is not a homewrecker.  But I still gotta wonder about the motive.  Remember record deals are really just BIG ASS loans.  I wonder if it was time to make that payment?  If that was the case…well played young man.  That is one theory.   IJS.

The post Oh the Smith’s! appeared first on Lisa & Rasheida.

Over the course of four years, I lost my parents and three of my four grandparents. It almost destroyed me, especially on top of life’s regular stresses. Thankfully, my wife saw that I was struggling and encouraged me to seek help. And that’s exactly what I did.

There’s no shame in seeking treatment for your mental health. And when it comes to Kanye West, I believe he could benefit from in-patient treatment. It’s clear that no one in his inner circle is giving him the constructive feedback he needs to get back on track.

There are only two occasions for thinking of someone, according to Baby Face. And I think the same goes for the journey of life: we’re either making decisions that bring us closer to living or closer to dying. Our behavior is a reflection of where we stand on that spectrum.

Kanye’s recent behavior seems increasingly irrational and confused. While I understand that grief can cause a delusional state, confusion is not aligned with life. The Bible teaches us that our words have power and can manifest the quality of our existence. During a recent visit to Joel Osteen, Kanye expressed his belief that Jesus has won the victory and “the greatest artist God ever created is now working for him.”

In the end, we must all make our own decisions and journeys. But I encourage anyone struggling with mental health to seek help and make intentional positive decisions that move them closer to living. My heart goes out to Kanye and anyone else going through a difficult time.

Photo Credit: Lakewood Church

The post Pray for Kanye’ appeared first on Lisa & Rasheida.